Of Hates, Rants and More Hates
by L1berty0rD34th
Summary: With hates ranging from Chaos Stories, to terrible summaries, to horrible "love", this novel of hates, dictated by Percy Jackson , will go all out in an attempt to cure the Percy Jackson Fandom. Warning: Heavy language, minor sexual themes, and high levels of unfriendly statements towards certain topics. Click the link if you dare... and remember to leave your sanity at the door.
1. Chaos and Pertemis Stories

**Edit: Since it turns out my story is against the rules of Fanfiction, I'm going to edit each hate a little into a "Dear Fanfiction" or sorts, so it technically is the PJO characters writing, not me. **

Dear Fanfiction,

Percy here. I've recently come upon my archive on Fanfiction, and while it's great that you all worship me, some parts of this sub category are... less than desirable. In this set of letters, I will point out such parts. Warning: Language and heavy ranting. Read at your own risk. Make sure to leave your sanity with the hopper.

Chaos stories. For some reason, they just piss me off. Maybe it's because I'm a somewhat logical person and they make absolutely no sense. Maybe because the idea of Annabeth cheating on me for no apparent reason is kind of... fucked up.

I've gone through some of this ridiculously stupid and just plain fucking overused clichés. It pisses me off how messed up they are. Let's look closely at every part of a clichéd Chaos story.

Part 1: I find Annabeth cheating on him with a son of Ares named Mark of another Son of Poseidon with a ridiculous name. Most of the time, on the beach. Firstly, Annabeth is obscenely OOC. She might as well be another character completely. Suddenly, a level-headed daughter of Athena becomes a slut like Drew (I even read one where Annabeth cheated on Percy with Drew).

It seems for some reason that 1 week after the Giant War ended and me and Annabeth made it out of Tartarus, we've completely recovered like nothing fucking happened in the first place. I've have near-death traumatic experiences before, and it's the sort of thing that will NEVER really leave you. So I don't know why I am skipping through camp teaching new campers and beating entire cabins in sword fighting at once. This sort of crap makes me asdfjkl; insanely.

So now somehow Annabeth has managed to kick m eout of camp (sometimes with other people too) and Chaos finds me. Nothing really to say this part. EXCEPT THE NAME. The undercover names sometimes just make me want to bang my head on the keyboard and die in pain.

I get named something that's supposed to be cool but makes melook like a complete fool. Names include: Stormbreaker, Orion, Delta, or some sort of crap like that. I mean, SERIOUSLY. If you're going to make me ridiculous, at least give me a good fucking name!

100% of the time I gets kicked out because of some half-brother of mine who just so happens to appear the day right after the war ended, and then suddenly get the entire camp on his side.

Usually, the half-brother doesn't appear in the story again.

And does anybody realize that in the instances where it's Annabeth betraying me, the writer never tells exactly HOW she's a traitor?

Now we reach the top of whom I end up dating. First, who says that EVERY SINGLE Chaos crap requires me to date either a) Someone that's dead or b) A **MAIDEN **goddess. I don't even know what to say to that.

In chaos stories, I also seem to be an obscenely mary-sued, overpowered, perfect warrior who seems to be able to kill anything I want. Which is great, but stupid. It's like dropping Master Chief into the Hellenistic Age. And after a few chapters of action, the plot really dies down into a repeating, "save the world" sort of thing, where I just kill monster after monster.

At that point, it's just a huge, impossible romance story where right after the hunters kill a few monsters, Artemis or Thalia grabs me and makes out… IN FRONT OF SWORN MAIDEN HUNTERS (or vice versa). And honestly, I don't even think Artemis is that hot.

In general, everyone in the story is so massively out of character, you might as well put it in the Twilight section. Although you could argue that this is Fanfiction, where characters are supposed to be OOC. Although, I don't understand why you're writing this as Fanfiction if all you're going to do is borrow the characters because you can't create your own and Rick's idea of the mythological world.

And also in 99% of the stories, by the middle of the story, you've changed from dropping a single Master Chief to dropping the entire USNC military into Greece. An invincible, seemingly badass army under my command just comes out of nowhere (and they're always made up of humans) that kicks ass on everything. I'm not even sure what they're fighting. "Well, they're fighting Chaos's father!"

Now, writing OOC Fanfictions is one thing, but creating completely new myths takes this to a whole different level. In Greek mythology, Chaos is the first primordial being in the universe. Numero UNO. The 1st. Number 1. First. How can the first thing in the universe have a father?

That's like saying the first life on earth came from its parent. I mean, wtf?

Hates against my opinion are welcome in the reviews.

Yours partly truly,

Percy Jackson.

Next up: Plot and summary fails in the PJO fandom.

And if this turns out to be against the rules (which is might be), I'll just turn it into a PJO characters writing letters about their criticisms, so don't tell me about that.


	2. Stories, Summaries and Title Fails

Dear Fanfiction,

And my hate continues. Be advised, I've actually NEVER read Fanfiction other than me besides Mass Effect, and occasionally a top reviewed/faved/followed story in another category.

This time, if you are writer who does any of this, you should take offense and make your story actually readable.

So here is the #2 hate- People who can't write titles, summaries and stories. Now, I don't mean can't write stories in a way that your writing is bad, but I mean the people who don't know how to make more than one paragraph, who don't fucking use grammar (like those who spell grammar with an "e"), those whose stories don't follow their original plot, those kinds. I will not comment on writers that just plain suck (like the author who is writing this down for me). **I take offense to that. **

We'll start with titles. Does anybody else ever absolutely fucking just want to hang yourself when you see a story title like those that will follow? "new title needed," "[me] assassin of chaos," "another annabeth at goode story," "I suck at titles." **The "I" is capitalized in the last one only because Word refuses to have a lower-case one.**

The titles I just listed appear WAY too much, and more than a few stories with those stupid, uncreative topics are among the top stories in the Me archive! Usually, a crappy title is the first omen that the story is going to look like a 5 year old wrote it (I wouldn't be surprised if that was true). Even if your story is going to be worthless, you should at least TRY to make it look like you put SOME effort in the story.

There are also some titles that are plain unrelated to the story, like a story where a demigod says I will destroy the world. Guess what it's called? Jack Frost. And another cliché chaos story called something like, "Awesome Chuk Norris." Yeah, and he even spelled Chuck wrong.

Nowadays, I don't even read titles anymore, I just read the summaries, which brings me to my next point.

There are several types of overused, and discouraging lines used in most summaries.

"Just another (insert cliché) story. Check it out!" Basically, my story is a boring, overused plot with no creativity.

"full sum inside" In this instance, the author is trying to lure you in. Most of the time, there isn't actually a summary, but just this: "Sorry guys, I suck at summaries. Read to find out about this!" Unless you feel that your summary is too big for the Fanfiction ~350-400 character limit (which it shouldn't, that's why it's called a summary, not a miniature story), NEVER put this in your summary. In that case, you should write the first part of the summary, make an ellipsis (**and if you don't know what that is, go take an English class. Yeah, that includes you, Jackson**) and THEN write "full summary inside."

It highly displeases readers, and basically you're trying to shoo them away.

"not your average chaos/Annabeth goes to goode story" Whenever someone says this, you KNOW it's going to be as clichéd as possible, to the point where you KNOW what's going to happen in the next chapter. For example, at the end of chapter 1, I catch Annabeth cheating on me, and it ends "Haha, I'm so evil with my awesome cliffhangers!"

Amazing my ass. I would bet my life that the next chapter will be me running away and then Chaos finding him and I'm like, "Sure, why not? I don't care that I don't even know who this guy is, because since Annabeth cheated on me, I have no life even though I could hook up with another mortal and get a job in the aquarium." **He's got a crush on Anna Kendrick. **Fuck off, dude.

Even if it IS going to be boring, at least write out what happens! You might even get one or two extra reads!

"My first story." Seriously, I don't give a shit if this is your first or billionth. I don't. But many other people do. You NEVER want to say you're new, because you're basically saying that you stink at writing and nobody should read your stories. ** That's not nice to new writers ;( **Write the summary as if you're a professional, and avoid these other horrendous lines before it's too late!

"I suck at summaries." This one is the worst out of them all. Just, fuck me when I see it. **Tell that to Annabeth. ** This line shows that you have put NO effort into making the summary good. You know how they say, "Don't judge a book by its cover?" Yeah well, people rarely look at cover pictures to see if the story is any good or not. Also, 99% of half smart readers will read the summary to find out what the story is about.

If Rick published a book with the summary that said, "I suck at summaries, read it because I'm a bestselling author!" And a new reader found it out, do you think he would read the book? FUCK NO. Because if he did, he would need to go to a mental hospital.

Although you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you should DEFINETLY judge a book by its summary. They are arguably be the most important part of the story, because it will determine if the reader decides to try it out or not!

Now, the actual story. First we'll do chapter lengths.

Before I start- there are exceptions to this. Including Dear Fanfictions (though they should be more than one sentence long), drabbles, poems and song-fics (I'll be doing a hate on the latter 2 in the future). Oh yes, and this. There is no excuse to write chapters that are 250 words long and that can be read in literally 15 seconds. A chapter is not, I repeat NOT, one event only. A chapter is a main division of a book that separates several events that are linked together.

Most of the time, I don't read a story unless its words are at least, slightly less than chapters multiplied by one thousand. For example, for 6 chapters, if it's less than 5500 words, consider me out.

The 2nd part of these are ones without any grammar.

These are just impossible to read, simple as that. You can't tell who says what and when, if certain words are names or not, and most of the time, it's just one big blob of words. Consider me dyslexic, but still. When I look at gigantic jumbles of words, they start to float off the screen and I skip it. Really, not much to say in this part.

Next are those who insert song lyrics in the middle of a story.

If you're going to add song lyrics, do it at the beginning and end, NOT in the fucking middle of a suspenseful moment. For example:

"Annabeth turned around and ran, *insert monster* chasing her, when suddenly…

_Baby you light up my world like nobody else/The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed!_

One Direction popped out of nowhere."

Song lyrics ruin the flow of a story completely. I will delve more into this in the song-fictions hate I have planned. **Oh, and quoting them is illegal unless a) the song isn't copyrighted or b) you have permission from the studio to use it. **

Also there are those who insert author's notes every 5 sentences (cough, this guy, cough). Now, normally, 1 or 2 A/Ns per chapter is OK, but when you've got this sadistic author writing, "Divergent refrence!" "Harry Styles is beautiful!" "I like blue cookies too!" whenever he/she feels like it, again, the story's flow is disrupted. It's like a 5 second short picture advertisement popping up in a movie every 10 minutes, usually at the most suspenseful moments.

This will be it for hate #2- SST (story, summary, title) mess-ups. Up next on the Hate Show- Character personality screw-ups!

Mines truly,

Percy.

**Hey, why don't I get any credit?**


	3. Twilight-Love stories

Dear Fanfiction,

Ok, no so I'm changing up my plans a little bit. This hate will in fact, be about something else: Twilight style love stories.

99% of all stories that are focused on love (which I don't consider the author's House of Hades to be, and I definitely will not have a Mass Effect style Romance, as much as I would like to), are absolutely fucking ridiculous. Unless the point of your love story is to create a parody on love, please rethink your entire strategy.

Here's what you should do before reading any further: Go to Youtube and search "Expectations vs Reality: Romance." The video should be by Nigahiga. Now go watch it.

Done? Ok, now you should have a sense of what love REALLY is. By the way, this is told from my own several years of getting screwed around with by Aphrodite. I _especially _despise with all my heart, the 5 chapter love stories where:

Chapter 1- Me/Annabeth bump against each other and we instantly fall for each other.

Chapter 2- We meet at a coffee shop "coincidentally" and we sleep with each other.

Chapter 3- Parents try to stop us, and we say "fuck you."

Chapter 4- Filler chapter

Chapter 5- Marriage, the end.

Does this look familiar to you? It should, because every story out there focused around Percabeth is this exact plot expanded. "What, Percy? You're wrong! In this story, they meet at school! In this story, Annabeth is a spy! In this story, Annabeth is a vampire!" Well, fuck you, because if you actually bothered to sit down and _think _about the real plot behind, you would realize that minor details don't make a story original.

See, that's the thing about "original" movies and books (video games and music are different). It's VERY hard to be original, because books have been around for thousands of years, and every good idea has been used by someone at some point. Meanwhile, there are only so many interesting things a movie can be about. There has to be a solid plot, with a lot of drama. That's why I hate the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies—they're just a boring motion picture about some dude that goes to school.

Anyways, back on topic.

… I lost my train of thought.

*a couple months later, finding this in a dusty corner of author's hard drive*

Now, do you honestly think that even the most love-struck couple would start smooching off in the middle of the street? If you do, please provide me with your house address so I can call the nearest mental facility. Or maybe actually _go outside _instead of reading fanfictions 24/8. I mean, who reads 8 days a week?

So, one more time, _please _stop with the Twilight style, extremely cheesy love stories.

Note: In the future, I may add to existing Hates, or hate a little more in another chapter.

I'm not having sex at 16,

Percy


	4. Song Fictions

Dear Fanfiction,

Song-fucking-fictions. The bane of any author in any fandom community. Does anyone else ever feel that they just make absolutely no fucking sense? It's not like Apollo is up above in Olympus singing "Boyfriend" while Jasper/Meabeth/Thalico happens.

One of the reasons I DESPISE songfictions is because they are extremely boring, content wise. When there are worthless song lyrics that few people even bother to read inserted right into the middle of a moment, the whole effect does to shit and I look for a "fuck you, go to hell" button. Using the example from 2 Hates ago, NOBODY likes having random music video snippets in the middle of Iron Man blowing shit up.

Imagine (use your imagination for this):

BOOM BOOM KAPOW 1337FX BOOM KA-

"It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!"

BAM "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" BOOM BOOSH SUPERCOOLFX DERP

"Monday Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday!"

"DAI!" *cue dramatic death*

Seriously, _if you're going to add song lyrics, do it at the beginning or end of a chapter._ Not in the fucking middle.

Another reason for my strong detest is for authors using them as excuses for 150 word "chapters." Please, I'm OK with short chapters…. If they're labeled as "drabbles*." Not core elements to a story. Not the meat. If you can't put more than 200 words together, DO NOT use lyrics as an attempt to bring it up a bit. Even if it does attract a few extra readers, the number of "reads" you get are worthless (though how stories are rated according to number of reviews/favs/follows is stupid as well). It CERTAINTLY won't get you a favorite or review.

*These hates are considered drabbles.

**And like mentioned in the first hate, songfictions are ILL-FUCKING-LEGAL. **

Fuck off with 1D,

Percy

***I might expand on this rather short Hate in the future, you will be notified if I do***


	5. Random letter-- House of Hades cover

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do I have black eyes in the House of Hades cover? Also, me and Annabeth are TALLER than that! Damn you John Rocco and your innacuracies!

Riptide looks weird,

Percy


	6. Reading stories, House of Hades stuff

Dear Fanfiction,

House of Hades chapter 1.

To be honest, Rick, I expected a little more. The chapter length was much shorter than I expected, and it was rather lacking in detail compared to the first chapters of previous stories. Also, we really didn't get many thoughts from Hazel's own mind. After all, I do like stalking other people.

Another thing I had to see is that Nico seems _much _too healthy if how he described the hellhole I'm in is accurate. Suddenly, the pale son of Hades is all, "Leo duck! Leo, get us out of here! Hazel tell us what to do! Ramirez, do everything!"

However, don't get me wrong. The first chapter was pretty decent. It cleared up several questions that the me fandom asked at the end of the Mark of Athena; notably, "How is everyone else holding up?" Or at least, that's what I think someone would ask. I could just be completely insane.

Anyways, my final verdict is… 7/10. Solid chapter, with questions answered and classic Rick Riordan humor, but slightly bland and short (but sweet).

* * *

Anyways, I kept the review short (unless you guys want me to do a full blown one) because of the main hate on hand: "Reading" stories.

Now let's get started. Where to begin… These "stories" are so fucked up I don't even know where to start.

First let's hit the love in most of those stories. Seriously, just what the actual fuck? I don't see ANY love in these stories, all I see is smooching off at the most random times and having sex in public.

As stated in the previous hate, _please stop writing with this ridiculous affection. _I understand that you're a diehard Meabeth/Thalico/Jasper fan, but do have some notion of what you think you're writing. Anyways, I won't really say much for this subject, because the last chapter covered most of it.

Next is how the stories are introduced. 99% of the time, it has to do with Apollo randomly dropping _x_ Me/Fanfiction book during the Winter Solstice during _Y _time. It usually goes something along the lines of this:

_Poof! _A random note appeared in the midst of the smoke, and *insert person closest to said location* quickly ran in and snatched it up, not giving a shit that it could potentially be a trap. He/she read the note:

_You must change the future or bad things will happen. Read these books. I wrote them just to prevent the world from destroying itself. _

_Apollo. _

And thus forth, Zeus declared with thy thundering voice, "LET US READ THESE BOOKS!"

Upon which Athena questioned, "but what if it's a tr-"

"THOU NOT IS A TRAP!" Zeus declared. "No being would dare attempt to sabotage ZEUS!" Athena didn't look convinced, but you know what they say… Respect your fucking elderly (because they're _always _correct /sarcasm).

And that's how most stories begin. No questions asked, no hesitation. This isn't even canon. Rick stressed in The Demigod Files and Demigod Diaries that the original Mebooks were Rick's (who's a scribe at Camp Half Blood) recounting of my adventures in first person. We're currently unsure of what HoO is, but can safely assume it's similar.

Now the reader asks… "So how does it work out? Does it become like Bioshock Infinite? Is the future rewritten? Are there parallel universes? Do the gods give zero fucks?" And the author _never _bothers to answer any of these questions. Few of these stories are ever finished, and those that do give no notion of how the future pans out. It always ends up as: And then they finished the book. The end, fuck you.

That's usually the part that pisses me off the most. Of course, if you find exceptions, always tell me in the reviews and I'll be sure to check them out.

Now it's time for a break! No. Fucking. No. Someone tell me, WHY THE FUCK are you writing a 2000 word "break" every 5 fucking chapters? I thought this was commentating on stories, NOT eating sandwiches and beating the shit out of Octavian. Poor guy, I actually like him a little.

Can someone explain the logic behind "breaks?"

However, I _do _like the idea of the stories. It's just that nobody knows how to write them. Scratch that, I like the idea of _most _of them. There is one type of "Reading" story ideas that piss the fuck out of me. Ones where you're reading another Fanfiction.

These stories, whether the writer has permission or not to use the story, aren't allowed, first of all. The guidelines state that:

Stories not allowed: MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a **copied story**. Also, copyright exists for a reason. You guys DO know that Reading stories are taken from *copyrighted* text, si? Stealing words like that can do some serious damage to the Me fandom.

Technically, this outlaws all "Reading" stories, but reading the "official" versions are rarely bothered, while I'm sure you all remember when several stories were taken down for MST'ing that "Prayer Warriors" thing a while back, and occasionally the mods ban hammer a "reading _x _Fanfiction."

I'm itching to point out a certain Fanfiction author whom disgraces the entire PJO fandom by writing "reading" stories… of his own fanfictions. That's sort of the ultimate "I'm superior to you, I can do whatever I want, fuck you" statement. If you want to know who it is, review with a Fanfiction account, and I'll PM you the author in reply. Although some of you know who I'm talking about already.

Anyways, review and tell me your opinion. I'm always up for debate, so long as you aren't a dick that screams,

"HOW ABOUT U RITE A REEDING STORY BECUZ I BET U CANT EVEN FINISH A CHAPTER U **** *** ****** ***** ***** **** *****!"

Keep suggesting future hates!

I hate sandwhiches,

Percy

The following is an author's review and thoughts on the House of Hades cover.

* * *

Random rant, not a Hate.

So the House of Hades cover has been releases, and I just had to die again. First off, before I go fanboy, let us talk about what it is.

The cover features Percy (with black eyes?) and Annabeth (who still seems to have a broken leg) limping towards a Door with chains all over it. It seems that Percy is supporting Annabeth, maybe because of the broken leg, and Percy is looking backwards as if making sure nothing is following them. There's also some sort of white mist grabbing at their legs, as if trying to keep them in.

There's also a bunch of dead-ish trees curved so it's like the road to the DoD is a tunnel of sorts.

Now to my own opinion.

First off, WOW, John Rocco really made up for the Mark of Athena's linear and 2D cover. The art feels REALLY immersive, and he put a lot of detail into emphasizing that Percy and Annabeth are beat up and injured. The lighting is also pretty decent, better than some previous covers that he made.

But the Percy/Annabeth portrayal is really depressing. When you look at them, you get the sense of a couple who's tired, who's been through enough shit, who don't even know if they're survive. Their tired posture is evident, and even though you can't see Annabeth's face, you can get the sense of her gazing at the Doors, thinking, _ Just one… more…. Step. _And John Rocco does a brilliant job on emphasizing on that. Percy's expression, on the other hand is fearful, like something is chasing them, and he's worried.

I REALLY hope that we get some sort of Tartarus POV… yet at the same time, I don't. I know a lot of fanboys and fangirls will be screaming to want to know what happens, but when you leave a lot of blanks, the reader gets to dream about what happened themselves, instead of a linear, set in stone plot.

I also am hoping that even though I know Rick's target audience is middle schoolers, he shouldn't make Tartarus just some barren desert, like I made mine. Honestly, looking back, I wanted to make Tartarus much darker, but a lot of the readers on this fandom are too young for things that I expect should be down here: Torture, betrayal, insanity, rape, ect. I minimized the amount of that kind of thing to the point where it doesn't even feel real. But again, the target audience isn't young adults. Back on topic, I don't want Rick to make Tartarus so off-the-hook. Now, there doesn't have to be things like deep descriptions of losing limbs, but there SHOULD BE some degree of pain, torture, losing sanity, and perhaps even references to sexual abuse. If you're a kid younger than 13 reading this and opening your mouth in shock, well, I'm sorry, but things like this happen, and you're life isn't perfect. I learned this the hard way.

Not to mention, my works and Rick's works are rated "T" for a reason. Though in my opinion, TLH and the SoN were rather child-ish compared to books like the Last Olympian or Mark of Athena. In the Last Olympian, Rick killed off a lot of secondary characters, and in the Mark of Athena, really darkened the direction the novel took by dropping Percy and Annabeth into the fiery pits of Hell.

If you're under 13, A) Delete your account because you're not legally allowed to have one and B)Please consider with T rated fan fictions you should read, and DEFINETLY to not read M rated ones. Fortunately for you, the entire 1st page of most reviewed PJO Fan fictions are very loose in terms of mature content. The romance is highly stereotypical and is pretty much perfect*, with little or no similarity to love in real life. I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I honestly HATE IT when people that have no experience dating write love stories that somehow make it to the top. "Ha, Percy! Well, why don't YOU write one?" Cue the high pitched retort. .

Because, love in real life fucks with you and likes to scar you emotionally as much as it can before settling you down. A "realistic" love story can be several years long (mines is 2 years and counting, though I have some level of peace at the moment) and a lot of it is really mature stuff. I honestly do not think that most of the people in the PJO fandom are ready for things like drug abuse, physical abuse, suicide, sex and fights. When you hit 8th/9th grade, you'll understand

Be warned: My book 5 _will _be dark, and it WILL have some parts inappropriate for under 13. The level of it depends on how dark the HoH will be.

We've gone really off topic, but that's what rants are for, right? Anyways, this has satisfied my ranting needs for now. I'll see you in the next HoH chapter—nearly halfway done already.

Again, you are always EXTREMELY welcome to disagree with my points and review/PM me. I will gladly debate with you. But please, don't review on a guest account, because I can't respond directly to you, and I often forget to respond in a future chapter. I really hate those writers who take up half the chapter for "review responses." Hate on that in the future (next one is the people who write just for popularity).

*I won't name any authors for fear of getting ban hammered, but if you really think those top stories where there's one or two main enemies (usually moving away, another person, or parents) are "realistic," then you honestly haven't really felt what it's like to love and what it's like to have your heart broken. Heartbreak isn't one of those things where you mope for a day, then get over it.

Thanks for reading.


	7. Writing Contests

Dear Fanfiction,

So yeah, the author hasn't really had time lately, and he could barely squeeze this in.

Today's hate is inspired by something I came across while on some author's profile, who again, won't be named to protect said person's privacy. Drumroll, please? *dum dum dum dum dum….*

Writing contests. And I'm going to explain why.

The one recurrence I've had with most writing contests is that the only people who participate in them are authors who have popular (but not necessarily good) stories. I mean as in authors who hit the front page of "most reviewed stories" sort of shit. Funny, since all of said stories other than HecateA's Mark of Athena are utter bullshit, at least in my opinion. I could dictate a book on why, but that's not the point.

The fact is, discrimating from author popularity is plain wrong. You chose .1%, and leave the other 99.9% to sulk around while these oh-so-amazing authors write eyebleeding one shots. In fact, let me give you a summary of what most writing contest applications consist of:

**The sentimental and "sad" beginning:**

I slowly walked towards my cabin. I should be happy, but I felt a painful, gaping hole in my heart. "Dear love, where have you gone?" I cried and collapsed on my knees, crying.

**Le comforting friends:**

"Bullshit, bullshit, sorry, bullshit, bullshit," Jason said to me, all while smooching off with Reyna. Because it's not as if I would feel hurt by that.

**Le end:**

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, reflection on my past, the end.

Yep, and that about sums up pretty much every contestant oneshot I have read in my short, miserable life.

Right about here, I took a break and decided to take a look at an ongoing contest right now: Battle of the Fandoms (which only concerns my archive, as far as I know).

I took a peek at the requirements if you want to join. I tried not to stab myself after I read the first requirement:

Have at least a semi-popular story. (BotF are contest(s) for the _**best/better**_PJ authors)

See what I bolded there? This guy… *shakes head* I cannot even begin to express how… wrong that statement is. First off, what do you mean by semi-popular? 10 reviews? 100 reviews? Published author level?

Next, you're assuming that if you're not popular, then your story sucks, right? Ah, but Percy, if they like your story, they'll review it! That's how good stories get popularity! Not quite. Many authors write 1 good stories that gets doused in popularity, then piggybacks all those fans onto other crappy ones. There's also the problem that many reviewers don't actually have accounts: they use guest accounts. As such, they can't follow the story and probably never bookmark it, and it gets lost in the wind.

Many would-be amazing writers often never finish their stories for some bullshit reason, like, "my computer broke forever," or "I forgot the plot after a break" or something. However, unfinished stories are reserved for a future hate.

Back on topic, writing contests just don't _belong _on Fanfiction. The website's social mechanics are non-existent. It's difficult to spread the word of a contest on a site like this. Wattpad does social much better—they used to have a live chat system, and me authors are sort of in this group for the most part.

Anyway, review and tell me your opinion. Next up on the Hate Show: Medieval setting stories

Annabeth totally didn't help me with this one,

Percy


	8. Medieval Setting Stories

Dear Fanfiction,

This next hate is about something I've seen multiple times in the past few weeks from looking through my story archives: Medieval/Ancient setting stories. Disclaimer: I don't hate the actual authors or their writing, just the setting, etc., etc.

The reason I dislike these bullshit excuse of stories is how authors write them. I could write a graduation thesis about why, but I'm going to hate on the top reasons:

First up is historical inaccuracies. Of course, there are exceptions when the main character is meant to change history, or maybe there's a kingdom that doesn't exist in real life, but I've seen _too _many stories where the authors simply don't know what they're writing. Recently, I read this story following the Greeco-Roman war during the 'murican Civil War. The author's note on the first chapter said: I will keep this as historically accurate as possible, or some bullshit.

Half a chapter later, the Civil War starts with the attempted assassination of President Lincoln. What the fuck? Seriously, what the actual fuck? To clarify, there's no mention of Fort Summer (**Sumter, idiot)** anywhere in the novel. Honestly, I would really enjoy reading an 19th century Greco-Roman story. I would go as far to guess that it would be a sort of PJO cliché story, if it wasn't for how hard it was to write one.

In fact, the author attempted to write one a couple months back. He gave up at the battle of Shiloh. Haha, stupid. The simple fact is that Rick doesn't give us enough concrete info to really know what haoppened. Anyways, this is going off topic. REALLY offtopic. Back to Medieval/Ancient: _Please, _if you're going to write a story in that setting, don't end up having Alexander the Great defeat Hannibal Barca. That shit is just plain wrong, not to mention not even possible. Time travel stories are reserved for the future in the Hate Show.

Next up is authenticy. This is kind of related to the topic before. In the Civil War story I mentioned, guess what mortal armies were fighting with? According that author, the standard equipment was WWI-era artillery, coupled with flintlock muskets. You would think if they had rifling technology in their cannons, they could do it on infantry, right? Oh and there were cavalry charges head on into a line of guns.

Many Pre-Industrial stories are centered around fighting. To you authors who write that kind of story: Please, even if you don't know who Julius Caeser Salid or George Washington is, do NOT have legionaries going up against nuclear missiles! To be honest, I've read I think 1 story where the author really did is his research and knew how combat in the era he was writing about (Imperial Rome). It was such a shame that he discontinued it.

Another flaw in Pre-Industrial stories is the kind of magical bullshit they pull. Yes, I get it, gods exist, shit can be crazy, but that does _not _entitle you having the main character puling out entire armies out of nowhere, or opening inter galactical portals every other paragraph. Question for you readers: I've never seen a futuristic PJO story outside of chaos stories. Can you guys suggest any to me? Back on track, sometimes I think I'm reading Harry Potter with Greek gods. And if you've ever met him, that guy is a PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS. First thing he did when he saw us was try to shoot a stun spell at us! It was really sparkly. Nothing against Harry Potter stories, but I just find some of the shit they pull in those books rather ridiculous (insta kill spells, fucking _tickle spells?)_.

There are also stories where the plot is literally just some demigod who can't do shit gets hand held the whole story by Zeus or something. Rule #1 of being a god: Do not interfere with mortals.

If you ever bothered to read stories about me, you would know that.

Finally, we come to the worst part of Medieval stories… **The. Fucking. Dialogue. ** I cannot begin to explain how fuckedup-ingly wrong and eyebleeding the dialogue in these stories are. Before I explain, let me give you a sample.

(Background: Me and x stupid character are walking to meet the king)

Me: Houst art thy aujourd'hui (today)?

X stupid character: How polite of thy to ask, I do well, many thanks. All, regarde (look), here comes Your Majesty!

Me: Your Majesty, I am beyond gracious and pleased to meet thy lordly acquaintance.

King: bullshit, welcome, bullshit, bullshit, Formally invite thy to dine with me _du soir _(tonight), your knightlyhood.

Me: We accept. Many many thanks, your majesty.

^^^Ok, I get wanting to be a little formal to the king of England or something, but do you, even for a second, think that people talk like this _in every day life_?

That's like saying you would talk to your friends the same way you talk to President Obama. You just DON'T.

Sterotyping a language is one thing, but sterotyping how civilization socialized for 4000 years is completely different. If you don't know why to use "thy" or "thou," GOOGLE IT. If you don't know what kind of grammar they used, GOOGLE IT (or read a Shakespeare). It is just fucked up how people don't bother to do research before they write something and expect good reception.

There's something in this world called colloquialism. If you don't know what that is, then you're not fit to be a writer. Delete your story (not really) and take 7th grade again (and if you're not at that grade yet, then you're not legally allowed to be on Fanfiction).

Review and tell me what you think. Someone suggested a hate on grammar and OOC characters, but there's another work on this site called "How to Write a PJO Fanfiction" by bluewindranger. The author covers things like that. I'm more focused on more specific things. Still, at some point, I may tackle things like grammer (see what I did there?), characters/character development and more general issues not limited to Percy Jackson.

Up next: Joint accounts/stories (probably, may be something different)

Fuckoff with thy,

Percy


	9. Dear Fanfictions (huehuehue)

Dear Fanfiction,

^I hate that kind of bullshit. And yes, I can already hear the kids going, "huehuehue hypocrism, huehuehue." Before you read any further, return to the first chapter and read what was written there.

…

Done? All right, let's proceed. Oh yes, and yeah, Annabeth took me out to see my second movie, and I'm not even going to say anything about it, before holy fucking shit, it was eyebleedingly terribly, even though I came in with no expectations. That's all I'm going to say on the topic.

Anyways, moving on to the hate of this chapter. I've read several of these stories pieces of crap, and this is what most of them seem to be about: pairings. Now, that idea in itself is great. I'm not the only one who things me hooking up with Artemis is really fucked up. No offense to you Artemis, but the thought of us… is… wrong?

The main problem I have with them… well, I have several problems with them.

-They're never longer than paragraph. Hold up. Remember that 2 sentence Dear Fanfiction I replaced the author's HoH review with? That is only for a placeholder, since for some really stupid reason, if I delete that chapter, then chapter 8 becomes chapter 7, and when I try to put out a new chapter 8, you can't review it, because you already did! If any Fanfiction dude is reading this, please find some way to resolve it.

Anyway, seriously, authors. Your idea of a great piece of work is 60 one sentence paragraphs? Not even considering that it's illegal (read the guidelines of submission), what the fuck are you trying to convey here?

Dear Fanfiction,

Sea of Monsters movie was great.

Yours truly,

Bullshit Author.

Ok. Great. Thanks for your opinion. Can I know _why _it was great? No? Ok fine, but why the fuck did you just ban me [**Not a true story, don't go hating on authors for this**]? Because you can't question me? Uh, well, fuck you too then.

Seriously, I want to murder every single person who has ever done that (the letter, not the ban). Not only are you breaking the rules of Fanfiction, you also fail to provide any form of explanation as to why said opinion. _Why _does a fake Annabeth think that Chaos stories are awesome?

"Because I said so, so fuck off."

Whatever you say, author.

-They often have OOC characters complaining about OOC characters. I once read a Dear Fanfiction where a slut Rachel was complaining about herself being a slut in "original" high school stories. Moving aside the fact that _**why the fuck Rachel is depicted as a slut so often, **_that kind of hypocrism is kind of wrong.

There's also a complete opposite- a DF where Leo writes 3-4 paragraphs explaining how he is this, not that, likes her, not _him. _Oh yes, I'm dictating this, the author is transcribing it.

So, uh… anyways, I lost my train of thought. I forgot everything, so I'm just going to call it here. Review with your opinion, lowly mortals.

Annabeth hates Chaos stories,

Percy.

**A/N: Turns out I left the next chapter of House of Hades back in Canada during a vacation, so I need to rewrite it. Which could take a while. **


	10. Plot stealingRip-off stories

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm writing a hate inspired by something that the author has been recently slightly upset about—stealing ideas and ripping off stories. Now, he isn't talking about House of Hades (duh), his comedy one-shot or his drabbles, but in fact about _this _"novel," if you could call it that.

Now, he likes to think that what he's doing is a rather original idea. Yada, yada, not original, yada, yada, maybe, but if there are any others, a) they never gained much traction and b)They're dead.

Ever since this story has popped up, the author has seen several similar ideas to this one, which is, in general, criticizing x community. He isn't accusing anybody of idea theft, but it was, you know, rather peculiar. Anyways, moving on.

A thief can steal several parts of a story. In order from least to most importance: Titles, Summaries, and plots. And when I say plots, I don't mean like, "hurr dur they kissed in this one AND this one, so x story must be a rip-off!" I mean, every single detail is stolen, and then rewritten.

Story titles, I don't really give a shit about, though a title that isn't completely fucking stupid would be nice. Summaries can cause a little problem. Stealing plots, though, gets me extremely upset, because one lazy author is stealing the work of another hard working one, which isn't very nice. What also happens is that most times, the stealing author completely fucks everything up, and suddenly, the original story isn't so interesting anymore.

I guess stolen plot stories aren't often taken down, because there's really nothing in them against the rules (unless they're copied word for word). I guess if that were the case, the PJO community would be 20x better, since there wouldn't be any Chaos stories (oh yes, I'm doing a second hate on that in the future).

And that's all I have to say. Please don't complain about how short these are, since a) they're drabbles, not meaty chapters and b)Sometimes, a really bad topic might be pretty damn long (the Chaos hate next chapter will be).

Please stop stealing this author's ideas,

Percy.


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